Some people love driving. Not me. I really really despise it. Despite how useful it is and how much freedom driving creates, driving to me is a mild annoyance in the best case scenario and a stressful, sometimes panic-inducing experience in the worst case scenario. It's probably helpful if I explain my history with driving first.
The first time I ever drove, I was 18 years old, about to go to college, and I had begged my parents to help me get my license because I might need to know how to drive in college in case of an emergency. They hired a driving instructor, a Cuban lady who came to my house in her car, asked me to get in immediately and drive out to the main avenue. This was in Miami... I felt okay for a few minutes, but then she asked me to turn unto the highway. I asked her, "Are you sure? I don't know how to drive...". She yelled at me, encouragingly, to get onto the highway. So I did. We drove to the DMV and back to my house. On my second lesson, we drove to the DMV again, and she had me take my driving test. I failed it before I had a chance to pull out of my parking space because I ran over a traffic cone. Twice. On my third lesson, we drove to the DMV again, and this time, I lucked out. My examiner was Cuban, and he told me exactly what to do (Eg: Turn left here, turn left, TURN LEFT), with a little bit of yelling, of course, and I was able to pass the exam. I thus went off to college with my driver's license. I drove a little bit in college, but was always cautious, especially when I had to drive on snow.
After that, I did not get behind a steering wheel again until I was 27 or so. I had just moved to San Jose, CA, about to start my first teaching job out West, and San Jose was the type of city where you really needed a car. This is where I bought my first car, a white Volvo.
One of my colleagues who was also my neighbor kindly agreed to guide me a little bit as I re-"learned" to drive. He taught me how to pump my own gas and accompanied me on our commute to school providing helpful feedback, such as, "Next time, when you switch lanes, be sure to check your mirrors for other cars." The following year, I switched schools, moved to San Francisco, and sold my car. For the most part, I enjoyed a car-free existence until I moved to San Diego eight years ago.
At first, I didn't have a car because I had leased an apartment just a couple of blocks from my job. I would borrow my then boyfriend's car to do errands or go out when he was unavailable to drive.
Then, I had an accident.
I was driving back from a luncheon for Lunar New Year, south on the 805, when I noticed a huge truck merging unto the highway on my right. I panicked, everything slowed down and my vision went black, I think I tried to swerve to my left and then swerved to my right again to correct, and I crashed against the left side of another vehicle with the right side of mine. We both pulled over to discuss. The damage was minor to both vehicles, and insurance paid to fix everything, blaming neither of us, but that was quite scary. After that, driving on the highway became anxiety-producing, almost a phobia. I did get my own car after that and eventually, after many years, I became somewhat comfortable with driving, so long as I am driving in my own car and through familiar routes. The truth is, for any driving beyond my comfort zone, I depend a lot on my husband.
However, recently, my husband has asked me to learn how to drive his car (which is much bigger than mine), and I am very scared. I need to learn how to drive his car so that I can pitch in on long trips and he doesn't get so fatigued of driving for so long. There may also be emergency situations in which I may need to know how to drive his car. I know it is important, but I don't really want to. I don't want to have an accident again in someone else's car. Much less have an accident with our kids in tow. I know my fear stems from the panic and stress that my past driving experience has caused. I know I can overcome it. I know I can learn how to competently drive another car. But it is HARD.
Yesterday, we had our first driving lesson in his car. I drove a mile to the beach. I managed to overshoot my left turn and had to do a three point turn in the middle of the intersection in order to correct, lest I drive up on the curb. I also missed another curb by like an inch when entering the parking lot, but I did not even notice that-- my husband had to tell me. He asked me to get out, and he preferred to park the car himself, probably a good thing.
I really wish I did not suck so much at driving.
I dream of a future without driving. A future where electric, self-driving shuttles will pick people up and drop them off where they need to go. A future where roads are made of solar panels and they charge those vehicles as they drive over them. A future where more space is dedicated to jogging trails and bike paths.
In the meantime, I need to learn.
Sometimes, we have to learn things we have no desire to learn. It is not pretty. It's very uncomfortable, actually.
What is something that you need to learn and are willing to move past discomfort to conquer?
I need to learn how to set boundaries. Prior to this, I felt like I needed to learn speak up for myself. That changed when I had no choice. Because my boundaries are not where they should be, I have been taken advantage of by people close to me.